Scared

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” John 14:1

Beyond worry there is scared. I have only seen my father scared a few times in my life. He has been scared before major surgeries that my mom has gone through; scared when he was bitten on the hand by a brown recluse spider, and scared when he almost lost his vision. I don’t remember all of the detail of his vision episode. It was pretty complicated with microscopic veins not carrying blood to and away from the eye and the vitreous (the watery stuff) in his eye not doing what its function was.  The main thing I remember were the flashes of light and floaters in his peripheral vision.  That’s how he knew something was wrong.  My mother also has macular degeneration and so did my Grandma Patterson, which was first diagnosed when they began to see flashes and floaters in their peripheral vision.  Can you imagine the fear associated with losing your eyesight?  The idea that something could be happening to the two things you use most in your life is frightening. The eyes are central to everything you do.

I could only imagine that fear until today. Today, when I got to work I opened my computer to start working and bam, flashes and floaters.  At first I thought that it was a problem with my computer because the screen seemed wobbly, so I turned off the fluorescent lights to cut down glare and went back to work…even worse.  So I closed my laptop and the flashes and wobbliness were still there. Cue serious worry.  I read online that these are common and tend to dissipate with no problem, or they can be indicators of the early stages of a retinal detachment…not cool.

Eventually the symptoms dissipated and I was able to go about my normal day, but it made me think about fear.  A worrier by nature, it is sometimes a challenge not to let fear and worry stand in the way of all that God has to offer each day.  I wonder how Jesus, knowing that each step brought him closer to death, could continue on the road to Jerusalem.  Jesus begged his father to let the cup of death pass from him, but when he knew it wasn’t the Father’s will, he faced the cross with courage.  How did he do it?

Perhaps he could face the cross with courage because he was seeking God’s will and not his own. He completely trusted God. The knowledge that you are fully trusting God and walking in His will brings with it a peace and clarity that defies our anxiety.  The kind of peace that made Jesus stand firm and not run when he saw the torches of the mob who were coming to arrest him in the distance. The kind of peace that when the time comes, will allow us to stand firm as well. But this peace only comes with trust. Trust is the imperative prerequisite to peace.

In her book “Jesus Calling”, Sarah Young says “If you mouth the words ‘I trust you’ while anxiously trying to get things to go your way, your words ring hollow (to God).”

So today, do you really trust God or are your simply giving going through the motions when you hand your burdens to Him? Who do you trust more, yourself or your creator?  One can give you peace and one makes you God of your own life. I don’t know about you, but keeping my house clean and my child fed is more than enough responsibility for me. I’d make a lousy God.

Prayer: Holy God, help me put my trust in you and walk in your peace. Amen.